I remember the night
The night when both of us
hung on to each other tight.
Helplessness,
Tears,
Fear,
Despair,
Loneliness,
Sadness filled the night.
I prayed for a miracle,
I prayed for a hero,
I prayed that the night would stay forever.
From exhaustion, my eyes shut closed for a moment.
From fear, I jumped,
Thinking that the night was over.
Angel of death
Would you please, please take me instead
For her time should not have arrived yet.
I close my eyes
And I hear my little one says,
“Don’t cry mommy,
You cannot see me with your eyes
but you can feel me with your heart.
Because my home is your heart.
You see me there everyday, don’t you?
Have you not felt my presence?
Have I not touch your heart?
It’s okay, mommy.
I am holding the angels by their hands.
I will not go astray
For I want to be with you one day.”
We waited by the day
We waited by the night
We waited by the week
Then we waited by the month.
We did not want to be your burden
And we did not want to be your baggage.
We wanted you to be you
To go search for yourself
To go search for your dream.
But your absence had created a hole
For us both.
Priya never felt your hands,
Never felt your love,
Never heard your voice,
And now Priya had to go
‘Cause I was too weak to care for her alone.
And here I am,
Alone.
You think you are relieved
You think you have no more responsibilities
And are free to go
Go to search for your dreams
But what good are dreams
When the most precious one in your life is gone
Unless she is included in your dreams
And in your thoughts
I pity you
‘cause you still don’t realize it
I pity you
‘cause you have missed out a significant part of your life
And not admitting it
You were given the chance
To watch, touch and feel the precious one
Just like the way I was given
I pity you
‘cause that chance was gone.
My heart was once filled with joy
It is now drowned by sorrow and tears
With joy I had welcomed you
With pain I had let you part
I will not forget the days
when were together,
and the night that we hang on tight.
Do not go astray
Hold the angels by their hands
For I will be with you one day.
You fools,
I don’t believe God is angry at me, for He is love.
I don’t need to say “I forgive myself”,
Like everyone tells me.
You fools,
I don’t believe nor think that I am a bad person,
Perhaps that is what you believe but not me.
I am sad that the baby does not have a chance.
Everyone, every ignorant fool,
Pease don’t tell me our baby is not a baby
The minute it grows in me, it is a miracle of life
That I cannot create myself.
I grief for our child.
Nobody’s life is more precious,
more important than another.
Yet, the weak has to be given up for the survival of others,
the ones that gave her life in the first place.
How ironic.
